Using Tinder is easy, but if you don’t know how to use Tinder the RIGHT way, you’re going to waste a lot of time and get frustrated.
The unfortunate reality is, most guys are terrible at making things happen on Tinder. If you don’t believe me, just ask your female friends and they’ll tell you the truth. The fact is that women get a TON of terrible messages on Tinder from guys with boring profiles. This is a good thing though because it means there’s less competition for guys like you.
Anyway, before we get too deep into the nuances of using Tinder, let’s take a look at the basics in this video from my buddy Chris Shepherd.
Make sure you watch to the end, because he gives some really great tips in the second half.
HOW TINDER WORKS
So now that you know the basics of using Tinder, let’s get into it a little deeper.
As a dating coach at Love Systems, using Tinder was something I had to adapt to.
I was used to teaching guys how to meet and attract beautiful women from all walks of life regardless of their looks. It’s not about being a slob and ignoring your looks, but rather making the most of what you have. The secret sauce mostly comes from understanding female psychology and social dynamics.
All of a sudden there were guys coming to me asking about this new dating app (Tinder) and how to use it. I realized that in order to stay relevant I had to learn how to use Tinder as effectively as possible to cater to my client’s needs.
I spent the next two years mastering the app, so I can teach guys like you how to use Tinder effectively.
Don’t worry. The dating secrets you’ve been banking away still apply online, I’m just going to show you how to use Tinder to your advantage in five easy steps.
1. HOW TO PICK THE PERFECT PROFILE PHOTO.
What happens when you move from a bar or coffee shop – where a conversation could actually take place – to a digital world where first impression is the only thing that matters?
Your profile picture becomes vital.
So no matter what you look like, choose a picture that shows off your best assets.If your appearance is what women would deem “hot”, include pictures of yourself on the beach, playing sports, or otherwise doing something natural that doesn’t scream “posing for my Tinder photo.”
Maybe you’re not classically good looking, no big deal, take pictures that show you’re interesting. Try to use your pictures to tell a story about who you are. Have pictures where you’re doing something you love, hanging out with friends, or where you’re in an interesting situation or location. Doing this tells her more about you.
Avoid stale headshots that tell her nothing about you. This is a missed opportunity.
Check out this post, for more on the importance of having a strong profile photo on Tinder.
2. HOW TO MAKE THE NUMBERS WORK FOR YOU
The truth about using Tinder is that it’s a numbers game. You don’t want to get too hung up on one profile, because you might not match up with her. But underneath there are dozens, maybe even hundreds of profiles waiting for you.
So while it’s tempting to not even bother to look at the pictures and just mass-swipe everyone “yes” and then filter through un-matching the profiles you aren’t interested in. I would’t recommend it, it goes completely against the core Love Systems approach.
Blindly swiping right, makes sense when you think of how Tinder works, and if you’re using Tinder to match with as many women as possible, then by all means use this approach.
You can be that guy that hits on anything that moves at first, but once you start getting matches you’ll notice that you probably don’t want to be messaging and dating the girls that you’ve matched with.
What’s the point of having all these matches that just sit in your inbox?
Instead, the approach I teach when I’m explaining how to use Tinder, is for guys to ask themselves a simple question before swiping “Am I willing to be seen in public with this women?”
If the answer is yes then swipe right, if it’s no swipe left. Simple. It’s more efficient in the long run, and still yields results.
3. HOW TO SEND THE FIRST MESSAGE
Don’t try to be cool and wait a couple days before messaging her. Send a message right away, as soon as you see that you’ve matched.
If she’s even a little bit attractive, she has millions of men matching with her. Don’t believe me? Make a profile with an attractive woman’s photos. Play on Tinder for 10 minutes. Then count your 8 trillion matches.
Women don’t use Tinder all day. They’ll pop in for a few minutes at a time, then continue with whatever else they’re doing. When she’s not in the app, she’s not seeing your messages. And when she comes back, she’s going to see the millions of matches and messages that happened when she was gone. When you’re buried 79 spots down in a list of matches, you’re yesterday’s news.
Here’s a great video with the three top first messages to send on twitter.
Pro Tip: Before you send that first message check out her profile. Most Tinder profiles are blank and the ones that aren’t don’t usually tell you a whole lot, but check anyway. If you can find something natural to say that relates to her description or pictures, use that.
4. HOW TO USE TINDER TO GET HER NUMBER
Look for the first convenient excuse to move from Tinder messaging to real texting. If not, the conversation will end as soon as either of you closes the app. Or at least until you’re both on again at the same time.
Think of the first convenient excuse as an emotional high point in the conversation, and then go from there. (just like the first time you should go for a kiss on a date is at the first emotional high point, not at the end of the night).
Getting her number also builds momentum and will encourage her to think of you as “someone who is part of my life” as opposed to “one of the 163,485 profiles I matched with on Tinder.”
5. IT’S TIME TO WALK THE WALK.
One of the most important things I try to explain when I teach guys how to use Tinder, is the Momentum factor.
Tinder isn’t like a party where you can meet and attract a woman and give her a couple days to think about you and wonder if you’ll call before you actually get in touch.
No. On Tinder you’ve never met her. So no matter how awesome your pictures, or how funny your Tinder-chat, she’s really not that into you. You can still be easily forgotten in a day.
Try to get the meet out of the way quickly.
After a few texts, I advise clients to say something like “Let’s see if we have chemistry in person; that’s the most important thing for me. What’s your schedule like the next couple days?” If you can avoid it, don’t plan more than a couple days out, or you’re just asking for a flake.
Getting from texting to the date is beyond the scope of this post, it’s a whole different book in it’s self. (Actually, it’s part of two books: The Ultimate Guide to Phone and Text Game and Date! by Daniel Vercetti and Nick Hoss.)
I also recommend checking out these articles on what NOT to do when you text women, which provides a bit more detail on the topic.
But for more on Tinder you can check out my book Matches: The Tinder Book for Men which is now available at www.thetinderbook.com
BONUS: HOW TO USE TINDER!
The most important think I teach guys about Tinder, is to have fun with it. Women date men who are fun and make them feel good, so start being that guy.